Crybaby

Maybe, Allah is trying to show me something. It is just that I have been denying it for almost a year. I saw what happened. I experienced it. And I try to brush off the fact. 

Whatever he have done, whatever he said, whatever he saw,to him I am just his friend. A friend. Nothing more than that. I should let it go by now. It have been 2 years now. How long do you want to hold on to something that is not true. 

We are just not meant for each other. We are not.

Yes. I'm a friend. Nothing more than that. It is just me overwhelmed with my own feeling and fascination.

A friend. Yesterday, today and future, will always remain being a good friend.

No. I am not crying. It is just that my fever is getting worked up.  I cry when I am sick.

Crybaby.

Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.  (2:216)

Superficial?

Because I know, it's hard for you to find your way to this blog.



I have always doubt my feelings for you. Permanent? Insincere? Superficial?


And yesterday I keep wondering, what it will be if I had not meet you on the first place? A life without you.





I treasure you with all my heart. No doubt about it.

by all means

Assalamualaikum,

This week has been hectic. Because of the depression that hanging above me last friday had robbed the whole weekend of studying  with crying. and more crying. and more worrying.


So what did I manage to gain from all that?

I didn't study for stereochemistry which brought to the dominos effect on the organic chemistry lab today. The worst lab I have ever written for the entire semester. It is entirely impossible right now to obtain 90% of lab marks.

My second midterm marks for earth science class ; 2 marks below average, which reduce the probability in gaining an A or A+ in the class. A reflection for skipping too many class sessions. An excellent student especially in Islamic context should be always responsible. Am I responsible?

Unable to do calculus assignment without even glancing at the solution manual. Integration is my weakest chapter in Calculus. Be it introductory course, intermediate and let it be the advance. Fail to give 100% concentration in class.

Unable to complete the reading 'Into The Wild' for English Class. I have been taking english class lightly. Missed Sister Sarah's lecture for 2 weeks in a row.

Fail to complete application readmission to Faculty of Science. Everyone has been busy enrolling to classes this week.



Yes, we do have ups and downs in life. But when you let your emotions take over you, everything will starts to fall apart. This is a living proof of how damaging it can be to an individual. Not that I have not experience an emotional wreck before to not notice the devastation that it can bring. I strongly believe that when a person is down, it shows your level of faith at that time.


This is the time when you need a friend to keep reminding you. Hence. Do whatever you can to bring it up again. By all means, your faith should control your emotions. Not vice versa.


I will try my best to fix things again within this 4 weeks. Insya'allah.


Is it still possible to gain As for 3 courses this semester?
Yes. No.




And may Allah keep my grandparents safe and sound while performing Umrah

Knowledge

I got uber excited when I am curious and I get to know something. And when I got to see the bigger picture of other things based from what I just know.


It's magic. Allah's knowledge is always a magic. No matter how many times you learn it. Especially when you're applying it.


I never had any intention to be a show off. That's just me. I am transparent.

I think I should stop posting so many things on Tumblr. It's time to make myself invisible to the world. I am thinking to run away.


I need to get some sleep now. My stomach is upset. And my head is pounding.