kb

erk. whaat? fine. it had been for about a week i created dis blog but i still don't have any idea how to decorate it. I guess computer is really not my experties :). watever. owh. I just came back from Kelantan yesterday. tired adding the confusion and the relieveness. but something big was missing from my life. really big. first day. as usual as it had been expected. boring? yeah a bit. My cousins were there and I can't deny the fact that I'm happy to see them. Akir? mu gelenyah.. sokmo lagu tu. haha. muiz? shut up you freak, stop calling me GIANT. mardhiah? chemical engineer to be..cool.munzir? erk, don't know him that much, but the most calm-headed person in his family. mursyid? park-ji soo future son-in-law. haha? amir, farhan, aiman, nadia? haha, I thought they are suppose to be alike like us. I mean my siblings because our father is the twins! but wrong. the recessive allele becoming the dominant one. haha. fahmi and diana? haha, one is full of jokes and another is quiet yet trying to mix with others. You know. I've lots of aunts and uncles. I mean not that lots, but my father is a sibling for 8 people. that's mean I've lots of cousins. seriously. but the truth is, I never know them that close. sometimes I do think like we are like outsiders when we met because we don't know what to say with each other. I tried to keep in contact with them, but no reply. sometimes i do feel like a fool trying to make those contacts. we are families. a big one. a family suppose to know each other very well. at least we know their latest development, but I was far behind from it. I rarely meet them. Sometimes just once a year. can you imagine that? how faraway we are but yet we were families. I love them. i mean it. anything happen to my parents, I've nowhere to turn except them.

my grandfather had just passed away a month ago. I was at the school. I cried, although I was not that close with him. I went to visit his grave later on the second day, and there I am stnding in front of the soil, reciting yaasin. It was sad. someone whom I knew for about 17 years now had gone forever from my eyes. when I went to Kota Bharu every year, I'll be always expecting a visit to Pendek to see him. But now, I can only recite yaasin for him in front of his grave. I can no longer see him. I can no longer see him sitting on the wheelchair while eating the nasi kerabu, or laksam. people comes and goes everyday. how close we are with death.

night. tahlil for my late grandpa. and it was sucks. how come only 10 PEOPLE came by. I mean we cooked for 100 persons and the people coming to the tahlil was just a nick of it. what happened? uhhhh. with nenek's health worsen that night. and the friction that was happening between my parents and my uncles and aunts, I just wanted to go back to KL immediately. I'm to small to understand all this things. I'm not reaching adult yet. adults are complicated and I don't want to be adult. to stress. can't stand it.