I have my reasons. You don't need to know.

And I will forever hate guys.



It will be the same. I never believe any guys since I was in Al-Amin. Until I got to Taylors. And it starts to change recently. I'm slowly reverting to what I felt 5 years ago.



Because I just hate them.

Exhausted

5 more chapters for organic chemistry.

10 subtopic for calculus.

8 chapters for violent weather.


all for next week. I did not have my sleep tonight. really. I'm not joking at all.





At the moment, I feel like I'm getting far away. I don't know why.

no title

Assalamualaikum,

This week was not so well. Am dwelling with frustrations over the weekend and in search of ways to improve the faith contains inside this soul.


Perhaps, this is the reason. To test my faith. Easier said than done. And now it is time for me to prove what I have been saying to people and to myself especially, all this while.


For once, I hope I can stop complaining how miserable I am to my friends. For once, I hope I can stop crying in front of people and let it out in front of Him instead. For once, I hope no worldly matters can shake me till I am totally off the ground and trying to stand back again.

The world does not revolves around you. and be more grateful instead.

I'm not going to stop. No.



We texted after one week not talking to each other. I told him that I want the invitation to his iron ring ceremony. Save one for me. If I am still here. And he said he will and I will. He said he is tired. Tired with "masalah hati" and studies.

I wonder. What does he meant by masalah hati ? Maybe. His feeling for her is still lingering in his heart. And whatever it is, I pray the best for him.







The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Allah the Most High said, ‘I am as My servant thinks (expects) I am. I am with him when he mentions Me. If he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself; and if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly greater than it. If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near to him an arm’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.’” [Sahih Al-Bukhari]

Crybaby

Maybe, Allah is trying to show me something. It is just that I have been denying it for almost a year. I saw what happened. I experienced it. And I try to brush off the fact. 

Whatever he have done, whatever he said, whatever he saw,to him I am just his friend. A friend. Nothing more than that. I should let it go by now. It have been 2 years now. How long do you want to hold on to something that is not true. 

We are just not meant for each other. We are not.

Yes. I'm a friend. Nothing more than that. It is just me overwhelmed with my own feeling and fascination.

A friend. Yesterday, today and future, will always remain being a good friend.

No. I am not crying. It is just that my fever is getting worked up.  I cry when I am sick.

Crybaby.

Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.  (2:216)

Superficial?

Because I know, it's hard for you to find your way to this blog.



I have always doubt my feelings for you. Permanent? Insincere? Superficial?


And yesterday I keep wondering, what it will be if I had not meet you on the first place? A life without you.





I treasure you with all my heart. No doubt about it.

by all means

Assalamualaikum,

This week has been hectic. Because of the depression that hanging above me last friday had robbed the whole weekend of studying  with crying. and more crying. and more worrying.


So what did I manage to gain from all that?

I didn't study for stereochemistry which brought to the dominos effect on the organic chemistry lab today. The worst lab I have ever written for the entire semester. It is entirely impossible right now to obtain 90% of lab marks.

My second midterm marks for earth science class ; 2 marks below average, which reduce the probability in gaining an A or A+ in the class. A reflection for skipping too many class sessions. An excellent student especially in Islamic context should be always responsible. Am I responsible?

Unable to do calculus assignment without even glancing at the solution manual. Integration is my weakest chapter in Calculus. Be it introductory course, intermediate and let it be the advance. Fail to give 100% concentration in class.

Unable to complete the reading 'Into The Wild' for English Class. I have been taking english class lightly. Missed Sister Sarah's lecture for 2 weeks in a row.

Fail to complete application readmission to Faculty of Science. Everyone has been busy enrolling to classes this week.



Yes, we do have ups and downs in life. But when you let your emotions take over you, everything will starts to fall apart. This is a living proof of how damaging it can be to an individual. Not that I have not experience an emotional wreck before to not notice the devastation that it can bring. I strongly believe that when a person is down, it shows your level of faith at that time.


This is the time when you need a friend to keep reminding you. Hence. Do whatever you can to bring it up again. By all means, your faith should control your emotions. Not vice versa.


I will try my best to fix things again within this 4 weeks. Insya'allah.


Is it still possible to gain As for 3 courses this semester?
Yes. No.




And may Allah keep my grandparents safe and sound while performing Umrah

Knowledge

I got uber excited when I am curious and I get to know something. And when I got to see the bigger picture of other things based from what I just know.


It's magic. Allah's knowledge is always a magic. No matter how many times you learn it. Especially when you're applying it.


I never had any intention to be a show off. That's just me. I am transparent.

I think I should stop posting so many things on Tumblr. It's time to make myself invisible to the world. I am thinking to run away.


I need to get some sleep now. My stomach is upset. And my head is pounding.